Attachment statistics :(

The section that stood out most to me in this weeks reading was about attachment. It broke my heart to read that only 60 to 65% of American babies are securely attached! That means that 30 to 35% of babies do not feel secure in their trust that someone will be there to meet their needs. It is the simplest thing in the world to gain an infants trust as a mother or caregiver. Cuddle, feed, clean, cuddle some more, be present, give love. The book writes it a bit differently. But as a mother I see and feel motherhood as giving a piece of yourself to a piece of yourself. Let me explain. My children are more a part of me than any other thing will ever be that does not currently reside inside my body. I made them, carried them, brought them into this world and provided guidance to the best of my ability to this point. Motherhood requires you to give, and give, and then give some more. You are giving a piece (allbeit a very large piece) of you to a piece of you. Make sense now? : ) It absolutely tears my heart apart to think that there are that many babies who do not have a secure attachment to some form of primary caregiver. This may be due in part to a little girl I met a few weeks back. My sister is currently in a six month inpatient treatment facility. I go to visit her every week. On one visit there was a little girl who was about three or four. From the moment we walked in she was smiling at me and trying to make conversation. I later learned in a family group session that she was there visiting her mother and her aunt had custody of her and her younger sister. She cried for her mother while we were in the family group session. It was gut wrenching to know why she wasnt with her mother and to know that this little girl wasnt just having a hard time dealing with seperation for a school day but because she didnt have her mother in her life at all. When the meeting was over everyone files out to meet with our "residents". The little girl was the first out the door and went to head down the stairs. She was holding colored pencils and some coloring pages in her hand and was attemting to make it down the stairs without loosing anything.  Her mother stood, hands on hips glaring from the bottom of the stairs. The girl of course drops her pencils and papers to which her mother huffs and puffs a great deal but does not take her behind up the stairs to help. Nope. She stands there. Mad that her daughter wasn't making it down the stairs fast enough? Graceful enough? Maybe its because the girl could really fly and her mother was frustrated she was taking the time to walk instead??? I helped her with her pencils and walked with her down the stairs. Later that day in the lunch/visiting room packed with people I was sitting with my sister talking when out of nowhere this little girl throws herself onto my lap! I was shocked! So was everyone else. Her family was sitting on the other side of the room and she had sought me out for a hug. She immediately started stroking my hair and didn't want to leave even when coaxed by her mother. Her aunt eventually came and brought her back to her mother. The few words she said to me and her sweet little face will haunt me probably for the rest of my life. I imagine she was not securely attached to her mother. I'm not sure what type of attachment she would fit into, she was definitely upset when her mother left so she would not fit into the avoidance attachment category. She possibly fits into the Resistant attachment category although I don't know that she is angry when her mother leaves. Its all speculation based on a feeling I got from a little girl in a very obviously bad situation. But that is what comes to mind when I read this section of the book.

Thanks for reading~ Jeesh these are becoming more and more novel like every time... Sorry : )