Singlehood, stereotypes, and my mother

I found the section on Singlehood in chapter 11 extremely interesting. My mother who is now in her 50's and recently (4 years ago) divorced shows no interest in finding another partner. I nag her about it all the time simply because I hate to see her alone and I want her to get out there and have someone to share this later half of her life with. She insists she is happy living alone for the first time EVER in her life. She jokes that if she were to find someone then she would have to remember their birthday and their name and all that and its just to much trouble for what its worth : ) Shes a funny lady! Reading this section I realized that I am part of the people it talks about having stereotyped or biased thoughts about single people. I do look at single people (whether that's people without a romantic partner or people without children) as being selfish, and less giving or kind and that is something I was not aware of. Now that I am aware of that I will do my best to change that thought in myself. I can think of many times when I felt that way towards singletons in general but it was more of a feeling rather than a defined thought. But when I stop and think about it I can think of many very giving and caring single people whom I see on a daily basis. In reading this I feel like I should maybe let up a little on my mother. She is finding herself for the first time in her life and defining herself without the input or effects of anyone else and that is something I should support wholeheartedly. Its easier said than done though because I just simply hate the thought of her in her quiet cold house, growing old alone. See there's those stereotypes again! : )

Teenagers! Something to look forward to after all!

I really enjoyed reading about teenagers in all this weeks material! My kids aren't there yet so I liked seeing what I have to look forward to! I was happy to read the section titled "The Myth of Storm and Stress" Whenever someone tells me they have a teenager (or multiple teenagers) I always respond with "Oh so you have your hands full!" I guess I bought into the Hollywood hype about teenagers being difficult and combative towards parents. I can see it being a difficult time for me as a parent though. I like to be very involved in my kids lives. I enjoy helping them pick clothes and taking them to movies or to get ice cream and I LOVE to cuddle. From the sounds of it, all that may stop once they hit adolescence. Whenever the conversation comes up with other parents about the age when the kids move out of the house I am always the one to say that I think I will be broken hearted! I cant imagine a home being any sort of an actual home without the laughter and noise that comes along with my children. I love it! I'm almost always met with the comment "That's why God made teenagers, to prepare the parents heart for them to move out". I understand what is meant by this, that by the time you have gone through a couple years with your teenagers you wont want them around as much and you will be ready for them to spread their wings and leave the nest. I know myself and I know I wont feel that way. No matter how frustrating they may be I just don't see an empty house as something to look forward to. And from the sounds of it, the teenage years wont be so bad! I just need to be prepared for the changes in the kids and be willing to let our relationship change a bit from when they were little and i could curl up with them in bed and snuggle till morning!

Lots to take in this week!!!

The material from this week was very interesting! It gives me as a parent a lot to think about! I love all the new information about parenting and find it incredibly useful as a parent myself. I hope that most of the time I am an authoritative parent but I know at times I have been the other three styles as well. Iv said "Because I said so" once or twice and I know Iv given in to what my children were asking for even when I knew that it wasn't the best choice. I made it a point that no matter what I would always aim for helping them find reason in the world and the only way for that to happen is to explain and to lead by example as is a large part of the authoritative parenting style. As said in one of the videos its hard to diagnose your own parenting style because most of us have good and bad days. I am part of a gentle parenting group online. I like to read the good experiences along with the ones that need improving. Its encouraging and enlightening to read about other like minded parents struggling with the same daily issues such as how to be gentle and loving when your child insists on dumping her juice on the carpet after two sips every single time! I also am a strong believer in direct instruction! Although I didn't know that term until reading this chapter I always felt that "prepping" the kids for situations that may be in the near future helped them deal with the situation with less interference from me. It seemed to give my son confidence and a feeling of safety. He is nervous in new situations and around new people. But if I explain what will be happening throughout the new experience he seems to transition better. 

The video on Disney and gender was something I had heard before. I thought they did a good job depicting the gender roles portrayed by Disney and in the end they encouraged viewers to enjoy Disney classics but to be mindful of the stereotypes created and perpetuated by them. One line from The little mermaid that particularly lit a fire for me was "Its she who holds her tongue who gets her man" I find that things like this infuriate me now that I have a daughter! I want her to speak her mind and be bold! Be confident in her ideas and to know that society will listen to an intelligent idea no matter if it comes from someone in a dress or a tie! I don't know why I didn't notice all the gender stereotypes forced on boys when I just had my son but maybe it was because we didn't watch a lot of TV. After reading this chapter and the extra materials I am feeling like I need to eliminate some of the screens in our house! Delete some games from phones and Ipads and make sure there is more time spent on what matters! Outside, books, art, family, catching bugs, and building fires for smores! 

Attachment statistics :(

The section that stood out most to me in this weeks reading was about attachment. It broke my heart to read that only 60 to 65% of American babies are securely attached! That means that 30 to 35% of babies do not feel secure in their trust that someone will be there to meet their needs. It is the simplest thing in the world to gain an infants trust as a mother or caregiver. Cuddle, feed, clean, cuddle some more, be present, give love. The book writes it a bit differently. But as a mother I see and feel motherhood as giving a piece of yourself to a piece of yourself. Let me explain. My children are more a part of me than any other thing will ever be that does not currently reside inside my body. I made them, carried them, brought them into this world and provided guidance to the best of my ability to this point. Motherhood requires you to give, and give, and then give some more. You are giving a piece (allbeit a very large piece) of you to a piece of you. Make sense now? : ) It absolutely tears my heart apart to think that there are that many babies who do not have a secure attachment to some form of primary caregiver. This may be due in part to a little girl I met a few weeks back. My sister is currently in a six month inpatient treatment facility. I go to visit her every week. On one visit there was a little girl who was about three or four. From the moment we walked in she was smiling at me and trying to make conversation. I later learned in a family group session that she was there visiting her mother and her aunt had custody of her and her younger sister. She cried for her mother while we were in the family group session. It was gut wrenching to know why she wasnt with her mother and to know that this little girl wasnt just having a hard time dealing with seperation for a school day but because she didnt have her mother in her life at all. When the meeting was over everyone files out to meet with our "residents". The little girl was the first out the door and went to head down the stairs. She was holding colored pencils and some coloring pages in her hand and was attemting to make it down the stairs without loosing anything.  Her mother stood, hands on hips glaring from the bottom of the stairs. The girl of course drops her pencils and papers to which her mother huffs and puffs a great deal but does not take her behind up the stairs to help. Nope. She stands there. Mad that her daughter wasn't making it down the stairs fast enough? Graceful enough? Maybe its because the girl could really fly and her mother was frustrated she was taking the time to walk instead??? I helped her with her pencils and walked with her down the stairs. Later that day in the lunch/visiting room packed with people I was sitting with my sister talking when out of nowhere this little girl throws herself onto my lap! I was shocked! So was everyone else. Her family was sitting on the other side of the room and she had sought me out for a hug. She immediately started stroking my hair and didn't want to leave even when coaxed by her mother. Her aunt eventually came and brought her back to her mother. The few words she said to me and her sweet little face will haunt me probably for the rest of my life. I imagine she was not securely attached to her mother. I'm not sure what type of attachment she would fit into, she was definitely upset when her mother left so she would not fit into the avoidance attachment category. She possibly fits into the Resistant attachment category although I don't know that she is angry when her mother leaves. Its all speculation based on a feeling I got from a little girl in a very obviously bad situation. But that is what comes to mind when I read this section of the book.

Thanks for reading~ Jeesh these are becoming more and more novel like every time... Sorry : )

ADHD

ADHD has been a hot topic among many parents for the past few years. I have always been of the mind set is that ADHD was something that could be "parented out of a child". I never believed in the modern medicines that were prescribed to fix something that I strongly believed was not a medical condition but a product of our technologically saturated culture. I felt that children needed more time outside and spent with parents and family who could provide positive direction. I have been lucky with both of my children in that neither of them have any of the symptoms of ADHD so maybe my opinion would change had I had a more personal experience with the condition. After reading this chapter in the book I would like to do some more research on the causes and research done on ADHD. I would like to see what the other treatments are out there for children diagnosed with ADHD and if they were effective. I know there are probably many parents out there that have struggled with children with ADHD and drugs like Ritalin were a miracle. But I just feel there has to be other options out there that have worked for people. Id love to hear if anyone has some personal experiences with ADHD and what worked or didn't work for them.