Death and dieing

Reading this chapter I thought about the many times I had experienced death in my life. Most recently my nephew passed away at three months old. The book does an OK job in their description of the death of ones child. Marcus was not my own child but he was the closest anyone could possibly be without being my actual child. I don't think there are adequate words in the English language to describe the death of a child. Its crushing and something that does not go away with time. Its been two years and its still something that the whole family feels very intensely every day. My son was 4 at the time and I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter. It was difficult to explain to my son what had happened but he accepted it and seemed at peace with the sadness almost immediately. He asked a lot of questions. We talked about Gods role in death and this eventually lead to gods role in life, specifically gods role in creating life for his baby sister. It was a conversation that probably helped me cope just as much as it did him. I wish the book would have touched a little more on religion and how this helps deal with death. Death is still something I am not comfortable with. Possibly because I am in early adulthood and don't feel I have accomplished what I wanted in life as the book talked about. But in reading this chapter I feel like I have a better understanding of the stages of dealing with ones own death and dealing with the grief of loss.

Aging

I have always looked forward to getting older. I may change my mind about that once I'm out of my twenties but since I was very young I have always envied the life of a retired person! Who doesn't? It was very enlightening to read about some of the things that are important to be well grounded in this stage of life. Having a strong faith and its connection to better emotional and physical health, and having friendships and relationships with siblings. Both of these are very important to me now as well. I feel more at rest and peace with myself and the world when I feel close to God. I also have a really good relationship with my younger sister. We have for sure been through some stages where we talked less but it was never for a lack of wanting or caring. Life just seemed to get in the way in some way or another. Also although it was only briefly mentioned in the reading but exercise as a way of helping with frailty in later stages of life. I guess that's what I am most afraid of as I age. I don't want to spend my last months or years needing to tip toe through life. I want to be able to go on walks with my great grandchildren and make it to events such as graduation and BBQ's. In the reading it mentioned exercise. Well I exercise sometimes... not as much as I could. Building strong bones and muscles so that when I do reach old age maybe ill have a better shot at being the bad a** grandma I hope to be! This gives me more motivation than loosing weight! The last thing that really struck me in this weeks reading was the section about elder care and nursing homes. It absolutely breaks my heart to think of my mother in a nursing home! I have mentioned her in posts before and I can never put into words just how much she means to me. More than anyone else she has always been there for me. She may have not been able to financially support or back every request we ever asked for as kids and teens but she would stand right next to us and help us figure out a solution! She truly is a one of a kind woman. I hope that one day I will be able to afford to have a second home on my property (that I don't have yet... one can dream though : ) for her to live in. At the very least have a basement apartment for her so she can be close. My mother has cared for many elderly people who could no longer care for themselves in many different stages of life. Some needing full care and some just needing help with the chores and shopping and things of that nature. She has seen many cases of elder abuse or neglect and the stories are gut wrenching (as is any case of abuse). I hope and pray that not only will I be able to afford to have my mother in my home that I will have the skills as a nurse to care for her when and if she needs advanced care.

Grabparents

I found the section on grandparents very interesting. I grew up with very little contact with any extended family and saw my grandparents only a handful of times. It wasn't until I had kids that I saw what a grandparent was supposed to be. This came from a few different situations. First and foremost I was welcomed with open arms into the kids fathers family. They are HUGE and very close! The grandmother (My childrens Great Grandmother) is a wonderful woman! She is "all up in your business" but with the best of intentions : ) She dresses as a clown and learned to make balloon animals for the Sunday school kids. She also got a job at McDonald when one of the cousins had to get a job there so he wouldn't feel lame getting a job in fast food (not sure that helped but the thought is adorable). She is kind and gentle with all the kids and yet she is strong and a force to be feared! Although I have yet to call her Grandma, even when told to by her and the rest of the family, she is the closest thing I will ever have to a grandmother and I love her dearly. Secondly my own mother was not a grandmother. My son was the first of the grand kids on our side and the first great grandchild on their fathers side. My mother is also an amazing grandmother! She is silly with my kids like I have never seen her before and they absolutely adore their Nana! She also had custody of my niece for over a year. She very selflessly gave her entire life up to care for my niece from the day she came home from the hospital. All the while she was working full time as a caregiver for the elderly. All this and shes over 50! She has a heart of gold and loves her family with every ounce. There was a section in the book about grandparents who care for their grandchildren and I would be interested to look into how this effects the grandparents psychological development as they are in a stage in life where they should be preparing for retirement not caring for children. My mother has said many times that she would do it again in a heartbeat and she truly cherished that time but it was also one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Lastly I have seen my father as a grandfather, or Papa as my kids call him. While reading the part about grandparents feeling like being a grandparent is meaningfull I couldnt help but feel sad and a bit angry. My father is anything but a good grandparent. There are so many times where I have had to step in and tell him what he was doing was inapropriate and damaging to my children. I cant leave him alone with my son for fear that he will say something rude or mean. He is great with my daughter but cant seem to manage a relationship with my 5 year old. It breaks my heart and I wish he had that feeling that being a grandparent was meaningful as talked about in the book. But he just simply doesn't. So my first two examples, the kids great grandmother, and my mother are examples of wonderful caring grandparents and the last example is a depiction of the opposite end of the spectrum.